The Konoha Talent Show!
by gaarathepanda
Summary: What happens when Kiba notices how lazy Konaha is getting? Or when slurtles take over the village? All we can, is that some serious CRACK is gonna go down!
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to Konaha Talent Show Chapter 1! (claps and applauds) And first, let me explain some things,

the first chapter to this story was just a practice chapter, **IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE REST OF THE STORY. **The reason for this is because it had no plot, and I couldn't make it go in the direction I wanted it to. So this is really the first chapter.

Sorry I haven't updated in a month, I've been very…. Busy. (Cricket: _cough, cough_ LAZY!). And my sister Cricket-Mac-Wocky is editing this story too. I think we're going to be partners in making stories (Cricket:…..) Anyway, on with the story!

_Warning: may have OOC-ness!_ I do not own Naruto

It was another boring, lazy day in Konaha. Naruto was slurping ramen, Shikamaru was lying in the grass, staring at the clouds with Chouji, Gaara was making sand castles, Sasuke was drawing pictures of himself, saying "God I'm so sexy, I want to make love to myself. And Shino was training his bugs to be circus insects (Yes, he could see it now! Thousands of insects, jumping through hoops, making small buildings, singing, dancing! We'll make millions!) Everything was peaceful. _Almost TOO peaceful._ Kiba thought to himself. "This place needs something EXCITING to happen," he said as he glared at the scene of lazy villagers. "This place is so sluggish that any day now, we're all going to turn into SLURTLES!" Kiba shuddered at the thought "Lets go Akamaru!"

_5 minutes later….._

Kiba burst into Tsunade's office. "Tsunade-sama, haven't you noticed how lethargic the town has become?"

" Huh? What? I can't hear you over the T.V. Speak louder!" she said as she ate peanut butter out of a bowl with a chicken wing.

"See! This is what I mean!" Kiba said as he stepped in front of the screen, dramatically. " Konoha has become so dull, we've turned into SLURTLES!"

" Ummm…. Slurtles?"

"Yeah! You've never heard of slurtles!"

"………….."

" Slurtles are a mix between the spirits of slugs and a turtles! SLURTLES!"

"…Go on…"

"Once, when I was trying to get Hana-nee to get up, so I could watch TV, she told me that when people get too lazy, invisible slurtles take all the villagers spirits! And when that happens, your appearance changes to something so ugly it can't be described, and you get really, really slow, and mucous comes out of your shell, and you die if you eat salt!

Kiba stood there staring at Tsunade, on the brink of tears, with hope in his eyes.

"…Was Hana-san, quite possibly just trying to get you to leave her alone?"

"Of course not! She wouldn't lie to me like that! Cause were like this!" Kiba crossed his fingers to show the sibling love they shared.

Tsunade could only gape. "_What do I do! I can't just tell him his sisters a liar! Just look at him! He's scared! Damn you Hana! You'll pay for this!" _

"Well Kiba! I have a plan to get the town, umm, anti-slothful again!"

"Really! What is it?"

"Uhh, we're going to have a… talent show! Yes, a talent show!

"YAY! Am I in it?"

"You have to try out first!"

"YAY! When will it be!"

"Umm, next month!"

"WHEEEEEEEEEE! I'm going to go and tell everyone right now!"

"NO! I mean, I think it would be better if I told them."

"Ok, bye Tsunade –sama!"

"Heh, Bye!" Tsunade said as she edged towards her desk.

"_Damn, how am I supposed to get Konoha to participate in a Talent show? And how the hell will this help the villagers become less idle? Seriously, sometimes I think Kiba's on crack or something…I mean SLURTLES? That's the most retarded crap anyone could believe!"_

Tsunade mentally noted to find out where Kiba got his crack.

As Godaime sat there muttering to herself, Shizune, who had heard the whole conversation, popped out of her hiding place.

"Ummm, Tsunade –sama, I have an idea for the talent show!"

"Well then say it! Can't you see I'm desperate!"

Shizune twiddled her fingers in a very Hinata-ish manner and answered, "Well, I thought that we should hold auditions for anyone who wants to be in the talent show, and have practices every day for 1 1/2 hours, and when the show finally comes, people pay money to get in, and the money goes to Konaha so we can make-

"CRACK!" Tsunade yelled a little too loud.

"Um, no, I was going to say playgrounds and gyms, so people have a choice of exercising instead of sitting in a hot spring all day."

Tsunade gave a sigh, " Shizune…that… was the-"

" I'M SORRY TSUNADE-SAMA I SHOULD HAVE NEVER OPENED MY MOUTH AND SAID THAT NOW YOUR GOING TO FIRE ME I'M SORRY! FORGIVE ME!

"-Most greatest idea I've ever heard!" Shizune face-faulted.

The two women took a slow motion leap in the air, and tried to do a high five, but sadly, missed. Tsunade hit the wall. (And luckily her boobs double as an airbag, so she wasn't hurt.) As for Shizune, let's just hope Tsunade doesn't gamble all the broken window money away.

_Back at the Inuzuka house…_

"Oh I can't wait till everyone hears about the talent show!" Kiba said bursting with energy, "I almost want to go and tell them! But I promised I wouldn't tell I wouldn't, so I won't!"

_5 seconds later…._

"Really?' Sasuke questioned, " Konaha's going to have a talent show?"

"Hell yeah! And it's going to be awesome!" Kiba squealed.

"When is it? Naruto, Sasuke, Shino, and Gaara said in unison. (Why these people hanging out together? Who knows.)

"Next month"

"Hmm..." Everyone considered if they should be in it. And by everyone, I mean Naruto. (Sasuke and Gaara were to pimpin' to be in a talent show, probably. Shino…He just knew. This was HIS time to shine. His bugs would _so_ get the recognition they deserved.)

"Does anyone else know?"

"…No..."

"Why not?"

"Actually, I wasn't even supposed to tell you guys…"

"KIBA!"

_Back in a field of grass…_

"Hey Chouji."

"Yes, Shikamaru?"

"You know what would suck?"

"What?"

"A talent show…"

"Yeah…. A talent show would suck"

_The Next Day in front of the Hokage building…_

"Welcome Konahanians!

"Hello!"

" I have gotten a complaint from one of the villagers, that Konaha has become extremely inactive…"

Grumbling, mutters

"So they requested that we have a Talent Show!"

"WOOT! YEA! (Applauding)"

"Tryouts will be this Friday! So don't miss it!"

"WHOO! YEAH!"

"And also, there will be prizes for the first, second, and third place winners!"

"YAY!" (Someone finally called out "Who IS that?" And Kiba shut up.)

"Who're the judges?" yelled some 'random' person.

"Oh, I almost forgot! The judges are me, and two special guests!"

"WHO!" (_"Kiba Shut up!"_)

"Heh, I can't tell you, all I can say is one is a very close friend of mine and the other is from another anime!"

"WHOOT! YEA!" (_Damn him…_)

_That Friday…._

Tsunade stared at the list of people who wanted to try-out.

"Hell… no…"

"Look at these competitors!" Tsunade said in a shaky voice showing the other judges the list.

"Ooooo! Sasuke's on their! I bet he's going to do great!" gushed

"Really? I think he'll choke on his bile when he sings!" said a cheerful voice, " I mean, he's a winner! So, let's start judging!"

"…" said Tsunade backing away from the judge.

"Ok, first competitor is…."

Sorry this story was so short, but I have to cut it off right here : please read and review, the more reviews I get, the faster I'll update!(Cricket- I so don't want to be involved in this story.)


	2. Chapter 2: Auditions

Hello and welcome to THE KONAHA TALENT SHOW CHAPTER 2! Whoa, and look how fast I updated! Probably the fastest I ever will…(Cricket: suuuure it is) here's a recap for those just tuning in, or those who forgot.

_**Recap:**_

Tsunade stared at the list of people who wanted to try out.

"Hell…no…

"Look at these competitors!" Tsunade said in a shaky voice showing the judges the list.

"Ooooo! Sasuke's on there! I bet he's going to do great!" gushed-

"Really? I think he'll choke on his bile when he sings!" said a cheerful squeaky voice, "I mean, he's a winner! So, let's start judging!"

"…." Tsunade said backing away from the judge.

"Ok, first competitor is…"

End of Recap 

Now let's start the story!

_WARNING! MAJOR OOC-ness! _I do not own Naruto

"Haku?" Tsunade shrieked, tremendously surprised, "Didn't you die?"

"If I did, there's no reason you would know. Besides, when I heard Konoha was having a talent show, I just HAD to come!"

"Ok! I'm going to do…. SEXY NO JUTSU!

And before Tsunade, Orochimaru, or Tohru (YAY! Fruits Baskets!) could stop Haku, he had already yelled HAREM NO JUTSU! And hundreds of beautiful women stood before the judges. And I don't mean beautiful women, I mean GORGEOUS. They were so pretty, that it made Tohru, and Tsunade lesbians (at the moment) and Orochimaru actually, for once, look at the opposite sex.

_Damn! Why didn't I put the curse seal on HIM instead of Sasuke! WHY? WHY? WAAAAAAAAA!_ Whimpered Orochimaru. _Ah, well. It's not to late._ Orochimaru started placing his old "love-bite-no-jutsu" hand seals, but Tsunade distracted him.

"Y-y-ou will definitely be getting a call back Haku!" Tsunade stuttering, barely getting the words out of her mouth and covering the blood coming from her nose.

Haku marched out of the room with his nose in the air, incredibly pleased.

"O-ok, our next competitor is, GAARA?

Gaara shuffled into the room looking very sheepish.

As Gaara walked in, Orochimaru was picturing the 12 year old ripping off his shirt and doing a strip tease (the pedophile!) and also was thinking this-

"_This job pays for itself!"_

Tohru thought to herself, _"Oh my GOD! He kinda looks like Kyo! And probably acts like him too! Note to self: must sleep with 'Gaara' some time this week."_

Tsunade gushed _"He's so CUTE! I wish he would be my pet panda!" _then Thought, "_ Wait, a sec, why is he trying out for a talent show?_

"I don't mean to be rude, but why do you want to be in the talent show?"

"Because…mufflemuflenmnndnnhb…."

"What? I didn't quite get you."

"mnbmnkkjjbmnbnbb"

"Huh?"

"I WANT TO BE LIKE KELLY CLARKSON! OK?"

"_Yep, I was right! He's exactly like Kyo!"_

"_Oooo! Feisty one! Just like Kimimaro!_

"Okay Gaara….Now what will you be singing?"

"mknknjhbn…"

"Oh, forget it! Just start singing!"

Gaara took a deep breath, lifted his head, and then slowly opened his mouth, and released a melody so breathtaking, that it can't be described by humans, and sang:

_What is love? Oh baby don't hurt, don't hurt me no more, Oh baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more._

_What is love? Yeah, Oh I don't know why your not there, I give you my love, but you don't care. So what is right, what is wrong, give me a sign…_

_What is love? Oh ba-_

"That is enough Gaara" Tsunade face faulted.

"Did I do good?" Gaara asked afraid she was going to reject him.

"Good? You didn't do good!"

"Calm down Tsunade-sama!" Orochimaru said gently patting her arm.

"You were STUNNING! You'll be the star of the show!" Tsunade cried with stars in her eyes.

"_And then when he's rich and famous and comes to thank me and says 'How will I ever repay you?' And I'll say, 'you can be my pet panda FOREVER! MUHAHAHAHA!"_

"Tsunade-sama? Your scaring me…" Gaara said a little bit over a whisper.

"Huh? Oh, sorry, I thought that was in a thought bubble…Anyway! Good job Gaara!"

"YAY! I can't wait to tell Temari and Kankuro!" smiled Gaara as he skipped out the door.

"Oh this should be a good one! Next competitor is… NARUTO!"

"_Hmmm… not as sexy as the last 2 contestants…"_

Naruto walked in wearing a banana suit and had that usual stupid grin on his face.

"Now, what will you be doing Naruto?" Tsunade held her bottom, because she knew she was about to laugh her ass off.

"You'll see…" Naruto beamed not noticing everyone was bursting with laughter on the inside.

_It's peanut butter ramen time! Peanut butter ramen time! Peanut butter ramen time! Peanut butter ramen time!_

_Now Where he at? Where he at? Where he at? Where he at?_

_There he go! There he go! There he go! There he go!_

_Peanut butter ramen! Peanut butter Ramen! Peanut butter ramen! Peanut butter ramen! _

_Do the peanut butter ramen, peanut butter ramen, peanut butter ramen with a baseba-_

"Snrx… Phhpptt….BUHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA!"

No one could take it in anymore Naruto was just TOO funny. And he looked so adorable in that banana costume.

"Did I get in?" questioned Naruto not sure if they were laughing AT him or laughing WITH him.

"Hells yeah!" all the judges bellowed at once.

"WHEEEEEE!" Naruto shrieked, then ran around in circles in a childish manner, and inadvertently tripped, and fell out the broken window (remember how Shizune fell out a window in chapter 1?)

"Oh well, he probably fell on Shizune"

"Mm hm" nodded the other judges in agreement not caring that one of their performers could have been injured.

"Hey, haven't you noticed that every competitor we've had so far, has made it into the show?" Tohru inquired.

"Yeah, so?

"Well, don't you think we're being a little too lenient?"

"…Maybe… What does this have to do with anything!"

"I'm just saying that we shouldn't let EVERYONE in, or there will be no one to watch it."

"Hmmm… I think she's right Tsunade-sama."

"I GUESS we should be could be a little more strict…"

"Ok, so how about the next contestant we don't let in?"

"Why does it have to be THE NEXT CONTESTANT? Can't it be like, the 10th one?" Orochimaru whined.

"NO YOU IMPULSIVE PILE OF SHIT! I mean, no silly! Then that would be 4 people in a row that we just randomly let through !"

"Okaaaaaaay." Tsunade AGAIN edging away from the judge and whispering to Orochimaru, "This girl scares me! Tell me again why we chose HER instead of Jiraiya?

"I don't know. Why DID WE!" Orochimaru yells.

(Glares in some random direction)

"YEA! Why DID WE!"

(Glares in same direction)

Me: "I'm sorry! I thought you guys would be HAPPY that you didn't have a PERVERT for a judge!"

(Everyone gets blue lines, and stares in different directions)

Orochimaru says forcing a smile, "Anyhow let's get back to the

story!"

"Yeah, WITHOUT JIRAIYA!"

Me: "stupid motherf------…"

Tohru stared at the judges not hearing a word they had said, only seeing them glaring in random directions.

"Uhhhh…. Okaaaay. Next competitor is Hatake Kakshi."

Kakashi walked in being his usual laid back self, reading Icha Icha Paradise as usual. He looked up and realized he was in the judging room, and placed his book in his pocket where kunai's and weapons SHOULD have been.

"You!" screeched Tohru.

"Um, yeah, you…What's your name again?"

"TOHRU HONDA!"

"Oh yeah, you…" still not sure who the hell she was.

"Don't you remember me !"

"Yeah, aren't you the girl from the ramen shop?"

"NO!"

"Then I don't know who you are."

"I'm the girl from Fruits Baskets!"

_Flashback…_

_Tohru was walking down the hall heading towards a certain man's room._

"_Oh I can't wait to confess my love to Shigure!"_

_Tohru silently strolled up to Shigure's door and heard…moans! And the words 'Mmm…Kakashi' and then more moaning._

"_Uh-uh…Shigure- san? Are you ok?"_

_The young girl burst through the door and saw a gray haired male, and her love doing the nasty on the floor. They both gave surprised looks up at Tohru._

"_Sh-Shigure-san!"_

"_I'm sorry Tohru, but I'm gay"_

_But by then, Tohru had already fainted._

_End of Flashback…_

Everyone stared in awe and paralyzed at the news that Kakashi was gay. (Cricket-Pfffft. Yeah right. They were _surprised_)

"Oh yeah! I remember now."

"You stole my one and only love! (Except for Kyo.)

"Yeah, but that was a long time ago."

"No it WASN"T! It was last week!"

"Oops. I was thinking about the other time last month…"

Tohru's knee's weakened from the news and fell to the ground but hit her head on the table and was now laying on the ground unconscious.

"Oh well, she was scaring me anyway." Tsunade said plainly.

"So what will you be doing Kakashi?"

"I will be doing something NO ONE ON EARTH has seen me do."

"What is it?" Orochimaru asked hoping it was along the lines of making out with Orochimaru, or letting Orochimaru rub barbecue sauce all over Kakashi's body, you know, something HE'D expect.

"I'm going to take off my mask."

Yep! And there's the end of chapter 2! Again, thank you Cricket-mac-wocky for the grammar help (Cricket: Could you at least TRY to fix your grammar?). And I do not own those songs up. Here's the titles and artists of the songs.

_What is love By: Haddaway_

_Peanut Butter Jelly Time By: The Buckwheat Boys_

Please review! Reviews are the best reward you can give me! And there are still more talent show auditions to come! So please review!


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